You just made me feel so damn special
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
