I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
