THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
