I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
