before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
