I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
