This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
