we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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