Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
