Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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