on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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