we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Boobs are out for the taking
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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