She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Your face is a jimmy john
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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