You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
