Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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