I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
