Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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