Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
