forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
