Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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