I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
