I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dicks are not precious.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
