non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
