Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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