well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize