Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
