Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
two words: eviction party
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
