Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
