did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
