just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
