my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize