Kiss
Puke
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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