his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Those nachos came to me in a dream
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
His nipple licking is glorious
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