I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
