why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
