somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
