i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
