I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
