Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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