she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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