go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
