I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
