Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Pooping to opera.
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