I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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