even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
