you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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