i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
