And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
