oh god the rape fog is back!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
