The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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