id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
