just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
