apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
