Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
birth control should be required to get into college
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
what the fuck happened to the tacos
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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