in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
