Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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