ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
