Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
