he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I am naked and annoyed.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
