You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
