we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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