i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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