you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
