i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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