Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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