I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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