I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize