Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's rum buckets o'clock
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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