U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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