11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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