it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
