he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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