you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Blood and glitter go together right?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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