We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am midnight drunk by noon
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
