I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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