Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
